First Week
As I start this entry, I have HUNTR/X’s Golden on repeat. You have no idea how much of a chokehold this song has on me. It made such an impact on me that I had to add it to the RWI playlist. LOL. I think it fits well, speaking heavily on identity and breaking free from past shells you wear.
Anyways.
I wanted to update my blog since my book officially came out. I’m not necessarily on cloud 9, I won’t lie. There’s still so much work to do since I’m in the marketing phase of my book. I’m stressed, anxious, and I feel like I’m being pulled all over the place. I love that people are buying the book, but I need more.
Excuse my greed, but if you put work out there, wouldn’t you want strangers to buy it too? Wouldn’t you want random people to know about it? I don’t expect everyone to fall in love with my book, but I want opinions from those who don’t know me that well.
We’ll see.
On a positive note, it’s so surreal to see people having the physical copy in their hands It brings me so much unbridled joy and it’s the first time in my life I’m excited to be put on a shelf (will unpack that in a later entry). It makes me feel like I actually put love out and am receiving love in return. Receiving love in the form of support is truly an unmatched feeling. I’m forever thankful I get the privilege and the ability to create and write for myself and for others.
I’m also surprised that my e-book is getting bought! I thought more people would want the paperback version, but I often forget that we live in a day and age where digital accessibility can overpower the want to have something physical. Regardless, I’m happy that it’s being bought. I hope more people buy my book and want to know what I have to say.
Moving on from the topic of my book, I wanted to talk about other updates in my life. There’s a mix of horrendous and beautiful. Horrendous being… Geek Bars are being discontinued. Are you fucking kidding me?! Where am I going to get my Lemonheads flavor now? It’s such an inconvenience and I absolutely hate when I found something I can keep buying or having and suddenly BOOM, gone just like that. I’m absolutely not sorry that I’m ranting about a vape. I actually wrote a stupid little poem/song about it. See below:
Popcorn Lung (A Love Song for Vapes)
We met outside the smoke shop
I was nervous, hoping your flavor’s not a flop
Mint, mango, lychee
You’re so fucking pricey
Addiction is served
For $30 apiece
Craving, begging
Ooh, sweet release
Baby, baby Lemonheads is where it’s at
What the fuck is popcorn lung?
Should it matter when you taste so good on my tongue?
Grape, cherry, watermelon
If vaping is a crime, call me a felon
Addiction is served
For $30 apiece
Craving, begging
Ooh, sweet release
Baby, baby Lemonheads is where it’s at
No one compares
You’re in your own league
Thanks for killing my fatigue
Oh shit, I’m running out of juice
Where’s the USB-C cable?
Fuck!
Don’t care that it charges your phone
My vape’s more important
Don’t hit mine, get your own!
(Baby, baby, Le-Lemonheads)
Addiction is served
For $30 apiece
Craving, begging
Ooh, sweet release
Baby, baby Lemonheads is where it’s fucking at
(Baby, baby, Le-Lemonheads)
Yeah. Don’t know what I was thinking. I just wanted to try my hand at songwriting and I had to come up with that.
As for the beautiful moments happening currently, I have a good friend I’m truly connecting with. They’re such a great person to be friends with and I can’t believe how excited I get when I talk to them. I usually don’t have an overwhelming need to see people or hangout with them, but I find myself begging internally that this person’s schedule frees up so I can spend time with them. I had this issue with a past flame where they wouldn’t call me. I asked them to just call me on the phone and they were already inept at texting. They wouldn’t answer at a timely manner, leaving me waiting and anxious. They never called me. But this one? They ask me to call, they text me like we’ve known each other forever. It just makes my heart sing.
It’s not pathetic to feel happy for yourself when you’re finally getting treated the way you deserve.
I hope you all have someone that treats you like a princess/prince. Never settle, regardless of it being a friendship or a relationship or even your own family. Always seek those who are willing to build a connection and a relationship that matters. Fuck that casual bullshit, those stay in the back burner for a reason. Be undeniably loving if you are that way, I know I am. Offer what is truly a part of you to others and they’ll immediately show their true colors. Never fault yourself for being genuine when people have lost their understanding and ability to do so.
I suppose the message of today’s entry is to love fiercely, even if it’s not reciprocated by everyone. The people who aren’t meant to be in your life will weed themselves out. Trust me, they make their own exits without you lifting a finger. Keep the ones who make an effort and make sure that you continue growing together.
Once again, thank you for reading. I love you!
With so much love,
Indigo
